When Your Enemy Becomes Your Friend
Shopping Malls In Foreign Lands
I can’t stand shopping. It is like everything I hate about the world rolled into one noisy, fuckface-filled cesspool of over-indulgence and waste.
If I ever need to visit one, half an hour inside a shopping mall gives me a banging headache and I end up leaving angry, tired, and disappointed that I couldn’t stay long enough to buy what I came to find anyway.
For starters, you nearly always need to have a shirt on. Yuck!
I could stop right there… But I won’t.
I hate people trying to sell me things. I know they’re just doing their job and trying to earn a living. But I tried to dress as poorly as possible on purpose, not JUST because I’m poor. I wanted you to look at me, see that there was no sale here, and leave me alone.
Do I look like I’m in the market for a $4000 TV? Surely it’s obvious enough that I don’t own a home! Where do you expect me to put it?
Watching people buying crap they don’t need and probably won’t use feels like it will bring one solitary tear to my eye that will roll down my cheek and land on the parched dry cement footpath outside.
Guys wearing watches that work perfectly well sampling more watches of similar size, shape, make, and – I can only assume – function. Why? How many time-zones you gotta keep track off, Playa?
And girls “oh-my-god”-ing over a similar slinky slut-cut dress that they have on because it’s made by a different designer. I have news for you. Men don’t give a rats ass what’s on the label. For us, you make the clothes look good, not the other way around.
It’s noisy. The lights are too bright. People are trying to sell you things – did I say that! There are annoying, tantrum-throwing children. And I just hate it, I hate it, I hate it!
I’m travelling in a foreign land without a place to call home.
I have no place to shower, I need to take a dump, I’m hungry, tired, my bag feels heavier while my sweat-stained t-shirt clings to my skin, and I cannot for the life of me get this foreign sim card to charge up with some credit.
In these most desperate of times, they become a sanctuary. They represent Wi-Fi connectedness, air-conditioning, coffee, food, clean drinking water and – after the coffee – a place to relieve yourself of “extra baggage”. All the necessary components of a happy and productive life.
I love them!
HOT TIP #006: If you need Wifi, food, clean water, coffee, or a toilet, the shopping mall should be at the top of your list. Like Maccas only better, they are beacons of hope when feeling lost and hopeless.
Not only can you find all kinds of food to eat, coffee to drink, and comfortable places to sit and enjoy the “Gratis” Wi-Fi, but there are even hot girls with slinky slut-cut dresses strutting about whenever you need to give your eyes a break from the laptop screen glare.
I’m in one right now.
I have nowhere to go until my bus leaves for Rio in 6 hours.
It’s raining outside.
I’m coffeed up.
I’m getting a little bit of writing done.
And – without being too creepy – I’ve admired the sight of quite a few beautiful women as they’ve glided by in slinky dresses. I would show you, but I don’t want to be asked to leave.
Shopping malls – while travelling – complete me! 😉
When In Rio…
Got some environmental issue you think I should check out? Some place to visit? A dare for here or anywhere in the world… Throw it on The Bucketlist!Add To Baz’s Bucketlist